Last Goodbye
by koijewel
Summary: A song fic set to Jeff Buckley's Last Goodbye... Yaoi


*...* Means italics  
  
*"This is our last goodbye  
  
I hate to feel the love between us die  
  
But it's over  
  
Just hear this and then I'll go  
  
You gave me more to live for  
  
More than you'll ever know"*  
  
I glance up at you, the suitcase in my hands and fight the tears that threaten to spill. Three years and all we have to show is this last moment, each trying to keep dignity and not beg the other to stay. How could we? Lies and blood separate us and no amount of words can save this.  
  
I smile one last time, bitterness and despair weighting me down and turn, never looking back as I pass through the door and leave, back impossibly straight and head held high. I did nothing wrong in the end and leaving is the best decision.  
  
*"This is our last embrace  
  
Must I dream and always see your face  
  
Why can't we overcome this wall  
  
Well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all"*  
  
A strangled sound comes from behind me and I am enveloped in warm arms, your soft hair falling against my neck.  
  
"Stay." You say, holding me closer kissing my skin, your heated lips leaving small shivers in their place. I say nothing as usual and hold still waiting for you to collect yourself and move away. It isn't like I am moving very far away, just across the hall, back to my room. A lifetime away really. Wetness hits me and I realize you are crying, the low sounds threaten my resolve.  
  
"Get off." I answer gruffly, pulling myself away and crossing the small distance to my room. The old one I left months ago to live a silly illusion of love. The door closes with a final click and I fall to the bed, the first tears coming as I lay.  
  
*"Kiss me, please kiss me  
  
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation  
  
You know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time  
  
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye"*  
  
Days pass and we do not speak, much less look at each other. I ignore you as well as I can and Omi and Ken tip toe around us, even holding their tongues when you show up late. Shifts are moved and I begin to work with Omi, Ken taking all of my old shifts and allowing us time apart. Nights are spent alone with a book, you at some bar with some woman, drowning your sorrows in sex.  
  
You stumble up the stairs and I sit in my room listening to you curse and smile, remembering the times we would go out. I always pretended to hate it, scowling at you, but secretly I relished the time, watching you dance, awed by your beauty and life.  
  
A pause outside my door and then your voice, rough, calling me. I get up, annoyed that you wait until 2 am to bother me; worried Omi or Ken will wake up. The door opens and I glare at you, hand on the door ready to slam it in your face. Weaving back and forth you lean in and I open my mouth to tell you to go to bed when your lips touch mine. Tears mingle in and I moan, body responding to the one man I desire. Arms come up and we embrace, bodies pressed together and feelings exposed as I tell you how I feel with my mouth. We break for air and I wipe the tears away, tenderly caressing your face. You lean in and I touch your hair, pushing it back and running my fingers through it like old times. With a sigh I move back into my room and close the door, leaving you there alone in your sorrow.  
  
*"Did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"  
  
And did you rush to the phone to call  
  
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind  
  
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all  
  
You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know"*  
  
Omi comes to me and asks if everything is alright and I tell him yes, leaving out the part of you sobbing at my door that night, head hitting the wood every few moments. I wanted to come to you, hold you but the lies kept me in place, remembering your smile as I found you in bed with a girl, her arms around your neck as she came. Later you begged for forgiveness and I gave it, only to find more and see all the flirting and late night calls.  
  
You pass as I make dinner, eyes red rimmed and face drawn up, cigarette hanging out of your mouth, Omi moving out of the way. As usual I ignore you, stirring the rice, tension building up and hanging over the house. I consider leaving Weiss, ending this stupid break up and finding some peace. I knew better than to fall for you, the playboy, yet I couldn't stop myself.  
  
*"Well, the bells out in the church tower chime  
  
Burning clues into this heart of mine  
  
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories  
  
Offer signs that it's over... it's over"*  
  
Weeks pass and it gets easier, relaxing in each other's presence. Missions go on and we stay partners, me keeping the distance and professional relationship up. You were always too emotional, and it shows more and more at each drunken night, the crying and noises of anger coming from your room. I come to your room and knock, waiting silently as you stumble to the door, imagining you cursing and stumbling over clothing that always littered the floor. The door swings open and I stare at you, hair disarrayed, pants half on and no shirt. My cheeks heat up and I lower my gaze for a moment, collecting my thoughts.  
  
"Youji..." I say and you swallow, eyes narrow and close the door in my face, whispering a faint sorry.  
  
~ End ~ 


End file.
